last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
