My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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