we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
