I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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