is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
