you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
