Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
