I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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