that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just forgot I was standing up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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