Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
