why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
