Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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