My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
