you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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