That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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