if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
