We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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