nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
