Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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