So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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