The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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