what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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