i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
