It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
