...so i touched it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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