And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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