you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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