I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
