Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my being single is dangerous.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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