If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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