I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
