you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
