MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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