In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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