why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
