wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
