On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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