Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
