I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
