if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
