If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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