Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My ass is underappreciated
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
