Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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