my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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