Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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