just tell him i said nine months
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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