her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
