ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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