You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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