We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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