pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
