have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
