So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
