Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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