guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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