so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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