I'd wear matching sweaters with you
...so i touched it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
