I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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