If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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