Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
