haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
