Small penises have feelings too.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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