you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
