just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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