I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize