she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
