im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
