I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
