i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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