dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
