Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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