i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize