FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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