We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
